I wanna listen to the trees, maybe stare up at the clouds. Yes, I want to get lost, let’s get lost

Another month down, we are now in August. June’s photos went up a little late, so this feels like July was even shorter than it was. One more summer month filled with great company and magnificent skies.
I have spent the last couple of days planning and writing the next months blog posts, so don’t worry – it isn’t becoming just my monthly photos. However, I hope you enjoy seeing a small collection of snapshots for July.

July, week one.
I am sure by now that you know I love a good sunset/sky photo. There’s something I have always been drawn to and felt the need to capture in the sky. This one was taken from my boyfriend’s garden, and the light is just spectacular. A fairly self explanatory selfie, always in my favourite necklace from Sugar and Vice. Christopher couldn’t decide what to do one day and as we were driving we came across a place to see Meerkats and a whole host of other cute animals that you could stroke. I wanted to put one of each in my bag to bring home though…

July, week two.
The second week of July brought showerwashywashy time into Dolly’s life. After ten years she finally accepts that this is going to happen from time to time and she goes along with it now, albeit unhappily. The process takes Floss and I to both keep her in the shower (much harder with a wet room), actually wash her and then quickly run after her downstairs to let her in the garden to rub herself on everything. May or June saw us go to the pier and we chose a bubble gun (for the dog) with all of the tickets we had accumulated. I think my sister and Sam enjoyed playing with it far more than Dolly did though. My dad came home with these curiously named burgers one day for dinner, we are still none the wiser as to why they are labelled this way though.

July, week three.
A selfie taken whilst sat under a tree with the dog, trying to keep up both cool whilst we waited for family to return from fruit picking in sweltering heat in the Kent countryside. A beautiful sunshine yellow Sunflower to place next to a photo of my mum. And the most delicious banana, strawberry and cherry sorbet/smoothie hybrid I’ve ever made. A photo of the haul my sister and Sam managed to pick when we went down to Kent, slowly working our way through the punnet of fruits.

July, week four.
It had been a very long time since I had seen the Surrogate Mothers Club, so it was arranged that we meet one evening for drinks and a catch up. There may have been some super sneaky shots consumed whilst waiting for our other drinks to be ready each time too. A really lovely evening sat outside chatting and enjoying a gin or five. The week following that weekend left me feeling really anxious, an underlying feeling of dread kept washing over me and I couldn’t shake it; as much as I felt I was going mad. So I slapped some makeup on (hence the selfie) and took myself off to see Christopher for twentyfour hours. Although I couldn’t fully shake the panic that evening, I was feeling much better on the Sunday. I could breathe a little better and I think it was just what I needed, a change of scene and pace. Another glorious sky photo, it was so blue and perfect just before I had to come home (which wasn’t as straight forward as it should be, two trains and a car ride home, thanks to Southern Rail, the most useless train providers ever).

And we’re holding on when there’s nothing left to hold on to, so don’t tell me when it’s gone ’cause all I have left is you

May has come to a close and I’m a little sad about this. The past month has been filled with the best company, music, great memories. I am so pleased I started curating my months on here because it means I get to relive the lovely memories I’ve made. So, here is my May twentysixteen.

May, week one.
I love tiny plump sweet tomatoes. This day I ate an entire punnet to myself for lunch, it was a great decision. When I was seven (and my sister was born so my mum couldn’t be bothered to argue with me about it) I stopped wearing skirts/dresses/coats. Now nineteen years later as a grown up, I have to venture back into this world I do not feel at home in. This was one of many rejected options to wear to my boyfriend’s brother’s wedding next month. Being a plus size woman limits my choices of dresses and skirts, so it has certainly been a mountain of a task. However, stay tuned to see the dress I have (I think) decided upon in another blog post. May brought Lewis Watson back into my life, Floss and I went to see him play a “I want to see if you like my new songs before my album is released” gig in Shepherds Bush. We found a cute Mexican place for guacamole and delicious soft tacos.

May, week two.
A selfie, naturally. This week gave us more sunshine and a trip out for lunch with my aunt. We went to this cafe that is hidden away beside the sea, a favourite in our family. They sell the best banoffee cake too, so I made sure to grab some to bring home on my way out. A warm week called for a tiny Twister ice lolly, which Dolly thought should be for her, she was out of luck though.

May, week three.
If you have read the post before this one you will know that I hit twenty-thousand views on my blog this week. That’s amazing and I am so thankful for each and every single one. I love coming here and just writing whatever I feel like writing; but to have that many people willingly come and read it is incredible. Christopher makes excellent scrambled eggs, and he makes them for me every weekend I see him. I was craving them during the week though so I had to go it alone – they were pretty damn good. The Friday of that week brought a trip to Portsmouth with my sister that involved a much more complicated journey than necessary to the Passport Office. However, we made it in time and even did some shopping after before I went to meet Christopher for the weekend.

May, week four.
On Saturday we went for lunch with two of Christopher’s friends and their very cute and extremely chilled, most well behaved baby I’ve ever met. After lunch we decided to go and play adventure golf, which involved some playing in an arcade before hand. Amazingly I didn’t come last and tied joint second with Christopher. Sunday evening was home time and we passed this glorious masterpiece of nature on our way to drop me off. The bank-holiday weekend was filled with family as we had a very boozy gathering of people over. We drank lots, danced lots and laughed abundantly; it was the loveliest of days spent with some of my favourite people.

I didn’t want to deprive you of some live Lewis Watson clips, enjoy.

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Someday we will all be ghosts 🌙 #lewiswatson

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I love you, I don't think you care ✨💕#lewiswatson @levvis

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You’re everything that I hoped for, that’s why I gave you my all

I came to write about something exciting, but first I am going to vent about the crappy day I am currently having (the exciting bit does come, I promise).
Today began with wiggly anxious feet, which is never the way a lady wishes to arise from her slumber. With too much unsolicited adrenaline my extremities tingle and I need to release this, so feet wiggling like I’m in Footloose is my usual go-to. Checking the time on my phone I realise I still have an hour before my alarm insists I get up. So I attempt to go back to sleep but I am met with the anxious thoughts that accompany my eighties dance movie choreography. Great. Then I receive a text from my sister to inform me that Dolly (the dog) has been sick a lot in the garden. Yippee. By this point it’s clear that I am not going back to sleep. I drag myself out of bed, eyes still mostly asleep whilst I get dressed to walk the dog and face the day. As I head downstairs I am met with an odor of vomit and two huge piles of sick. One of them is a revolting tangle of green slimy grass. Oh joy. As I go towards the back of the house to let the dog in to the garden, what do I see? Oh yes, that would be another 3 piles (this time its the raw chicken from last nights dinner), slick and putrid. Excellent. Then there is more in the garden and more in the living room I discover. Poor dog, clearly shes unwell but also, gross. It’s not even half nine in the morning yet. After spending a fair while doing my best Cinderella before she meets the prince impression, I walk the dog; who spends most of her time eating more grass…
My shopping is due to be delivered between ten and twelve today, so I await its arrival and get on with a multitude of boring house chores. However, the shopping still hasn’t arrived half an hour after the time-slot has ended. Weird. After logging into my account it would appear that I didn’t finish the transaction yesterday so our shopping won’t be coming today. And I haven’t even mentioned my strange enchanted hand that keeps going a little numb every now and then. I get to climb into a dark hole and never come out again now, right?!
Okay, I get that worse things happen at sea and certainly worse things have happened in my life, but today’s morning has felt relentlessly bleak. Roll on tomorrow evening and being with the boy I am incredibly fond of in a place that helps me breathe a little easier (when I’m not feeling anxious anyway *monkey covering eyes emoji*).

Now, onto much better news. On Tuesday the seventeenth of May, this blog hit twenty thousand overall views! I am so excited about this. I never thought I would actually keep up blogging, and I certainly never thought many if any people would want to read it. But I did and you did and now I’ve hit a huge milestone for someone who has just written a whole passage about dog vomit.
Thank you to everyone who reads my blog regularly or if you are entirely new and you’re helping me on my way to thirty thousand. I appreciate every view, every comment and every share I receive. You are all lovely people and I am so pleased that anyone would want to read my work.
I thought that I would link you my Facebook page, so should you wish to keep up to date and notified when a new post is published you can do so. Or, if you are a fellow WordPress user, feel free to hit ‘Follow’.
Here are some of my favourite pieces I have published on here, in case you missed them:

• Hold your head high, heavy heart (- Dear teenagers, it gets better or at least different).
• I have the dance moves of a mustache and the singing voice that sounds like a beard on the inside of my cheeks (- for all that love those with a beard and those that have careless whiskers to tame).
• And I am finally seeing that I was the one worth leaving (- Inspired by Frank Turner and moving on from something that never quite fit).
• You hid there last time, you know we’re gonna find you (-My tale of always being the fat girl and how some builders harassed me).
• But I am a ghost, just haunting myself (- An exercise in dissipating writers block, melancholic whimsy at its best).
• I’m ready to hope, swing me out of the low; wide awake in the glow, can’t do it alone (- Sadness and hope combined in melancholia. My canary sings no more).
• And I kissed him back like and arsonist with a pocket full of matches (-romanticised romance).

Once again, thank you.

So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight, or die.

Another Monday, another five songs to make you ‘drop a heart, break a name’. There isn’t much else to say this week other than: GO FROLIC IN THE TEARS OF NOSTALGIA, BECAUSE SUGAR, WE’RE GOING DOWN SWINGING.

Also, for all you adult emo kids like I, please read this – http://www.buzzfeed.com/eleanorbate/trust-me

(I do not own this image).

But I am a ghost, just haunting myself

An exercise in dissipating writers block. Come back to me creativity.

I woke up this morning to see that it was winter once more. Okay, so not technically as it’s June, but weather-wise, very much winter. The melancholia has weighed me down like being placed under a damp blanket; my mind as grey as the steel sky. I ventured out into the cold oppressive morning, barking dog on lead as I slowly became saturated. It was that fine wet mist that kisses you on the cheek and curls the tips of you hair. A haunting love affair. I haven’t seen anyone or spoken aloud yet today, a ghost town with only I that roam. The wind thrashes and beats against the windows and howls down the chimney, there is something beautifully poetic in its persistent anguish.
A cup of coffee warms my hands whilst I observe the gloom from my window, taking a sip and holding it on my tongue. The bitterness with a sweet tinge at the end awakens my taste-buds and feels like the weather outside. I cannot find a lighter, so a length of raw spaghetti stands in as a taper to light a candle. As the flame flickers to life I am reminded of a quote from one of the best books I’ve ever read – “Sometimes when I watch people trudging through their daily routines, I think that fire is more alive than we are–brighter, hotter, more sure of itself and where it wants to go. Fire doesn’t settle; fire doesn’t tolerate; fire doesn’t ‘get by.’ Fire does. Fire is.” I watch the orange glow dancing, it’s twinkling flare mesmerising.
The rain hits the windows and becomes an auditory version of pins and needles. The soothing sound of woe and static. The weather today emits such sorrow, a lost soul searching. An eerie sadness that settles over towns brought about by a simple change in course. I try to find the beauty in the breakdown, there’s something so ghostly when the air around you is howling.
My cluttered thoughts are hushed by the rhythmic lashing of rain drops and the swaying branches of trees. This is the kind of weather that strips everything back, the acoustic equivalent of sunshine’s building beats. A narcissistic retrospective that is difficult to shake as it consumes everyone. It is self-indulgently reflective.

A melancholic playlist.

And we’ll be slow honey lovers ’til the clocks go forward again

Ooh, midweek post! Just a super short one with a new playlist as its been a while. There are lots of new people and music that I have been enjoying recently. Hopefully you can find something or someone that takes your fancy in this summer heat.

I have just bought Josh Record’s debut album – Pillars and James Bay’s two EPs, they’re just delightfully delicate and definitely worth a listen.

Seven golden Daffodils all shining in the sun, they light the way of evening when our day is done

If you know me or you have read my blog occasionally you will know about my love for a band called Pokey LaFarge (and the South City Three). I came across them on Jools Holland one night in 2011 and instantly fell in love with the sound of bluegrass and lyrics about whiskey. They had a sound that I have long been drawn towards ever since my grandparents, mainly my Grandma, introduced me to the King of Skiffle – Lonnie Donegan around the age of 3. (The same amazing woman also introduced me to the likes of Fats Domino and Santana, each still very much favourites of mine.)

If you have never heard of Skiffle before you should definitely check it out, I don’t think many people realise just how many musicians are influenced by the music of Lonnie Donegan. Paolo Nutini has a song called Worried Man on his Sunny Side Up album where he takes the chorus of Lonnie Donegan’s song of the same title. Originating in America around 1925 but dying out in the ’40s over there, the fairly unknown and obscure music genre was revived here in the 1950s by the wonderful raconteur Donegan. With songs such as Rock Island Line, Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It’s Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight and My Old Man’s A Dustman, he was quickly crowned the king. My very favourite is Seven Golden Daffodils, demanding that it be played at the disco I had for my 7th birthday. There is something about the cadence of Skiffle and Bluegrass music that fills my heart with joy and allows me to breathe. The art of telling a story through song is something Lonnie Donegan and Pokey LaFarge are extraordinarily good at. I often wonder if I was born in the wrong era with my ear being drawn to music with the sound of times gone by. If there is a washboard, double bass, banjo or harmonica being played then I want in! My Grandma often said that is she had one regret it was not taking me with her to see Lonnie Donegan play in Brighton before he passed away in 2002. When my Grandma died 7 years later it was only fitting that Seven Golden Daffodils was played at her funeral.
Over the last few years I have been to see Pokey LaFarge as many times as I can and they never ever disappoint. His voice is so powerful and they put on an impressive show. I have come to find more acts that are similar in sound too, like Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orchestra from Newcastle and Bad Bad Whiskey a skifflebilly band from Brighton.
I find myself wishing that my Grandma had been given the chance to hear Pokey LaFarge, The Secret Sisters, Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orchestra and Bad Bad Whiskey. As the woman who introduced me to a similar genre of music, I really think she would have enjoyed them.

Pokey LaFarge are an American band who incorporate a mix of early jazz, string ragtime, country blues and western swing to make them my very favourite bluegrass band. “It’s not retro music. It’s American music that never died.” I was hooked before I had heard the whole of the first song I ever heard them play.

Rob Heron and the Tea Pad Orchestra have supported Pokey LaFarge in the UK a couple of times now and this is how I became a fan. Based in Newcastle this homegrown roots band play a joyous mix of ‘western swing, blues, gypsy jazz and country, or “North Eastern Swing” as they’ve coined it.’

The Secret Sisters are real life sisters from Alabama with a beautiful heart wrenching country sound. Another Jools Holland find, I was enthralled with their song The One I Love Is Gone and their cover of Patsy Cline’s hit Walking After Midnight.

I accidentally came across my hometown’s offering to Skifflebilly – Bad Bad Whiskey when out for a drink with a friend at a pub in Hove. They just carried in a double bass and I was excited to hear them play, I wasn’t disappointed when they did either. If you live in my local area, even if you don’t you should catch one of their shows.
(click photos for bands websites)
If you haven’t heard any of the music I have spoken about in this post I’ve mad a playlist for you to check out:

Even if you don’t think you are going to like it – give them a try as you may be surprised.
I can’t tell you exactly how this music makes me feel or why it makes me feel that way but it always brightens my day and encourages my need to play music as loud as I can. And they’re all especially good to listen to on a lazy summers day such as the weather we are currently having here.

I’m gonna stay eighteen forever, so we can stay like this forever

Today’s post is just a short one as it’s a long weekend for everyone and I’m sure we all have plans. So I shall try and make another post next week…
Anyway, back to this post – I have compiled a new playlist as it has been about 6 weeks since the last one. Again, as always, it is made up of new and old songs, some you may have heard and some you probably haven’t. I love finding new music and often find myself scrolling through Pure Volume for new bands/singers. I am always looking for recommendations so please send me some if you have any.

And as it is such a short post how about a little Guy Friday?

Logan Lerman is known for his role as Percy Jackson, this is how I came across him a few years ago. He was pretty then, but now he is older at the ripe ol’ age of 22, he is turning into a beautiful man. He has also starred in The Perks of Being a Wallflower and is in the new blockbuster Noah. I think he is a fairly good actor too, not just chosen because of his looks but due to his talent.

Greek is now on Netflix and I couldn’t be happier! I have spent years being in love with Scott Michael Foster as Cappie on the american teen film centered around the relationships of those in the Greek system. The fun loving, shot taking ‘bad boy’ with a heart had me hooked from the first episode. I have watched Greek several times and now I can start all over again. Also, if you get the chance, watch his film Teenage Dirtbag. So very sad and full of teenage angst but definitely worth watching him play a modern version of Bender from The Breakfast Club.

I think I featured Milo Ventimiglia in my very first Guy Friday, but I cant get enough of him…so, here he is again. I first fell in love with Milo in The Gilmore Girls as Jess Mariano, with his penchant for books and letting people think the worst about him. If you also loved Jess, you may want to check out this Buzzfeed post. Then, along came Peter Petrelli in Heroes and It was even more Milo and super powers…what’s not to like?! Such a beautiful man. And, for fellow Heroes fans they’re making a new series that is due out next year, I am beyond excited!

HAPPY EASTER!

(I do not own all of these images/songs).

I will remember your face, ‘Cause I am still in love with that place. But when the stars are the only things we share, will you be there?

It’s Friday and it has been a while since I posted my last Spotify Playlist. This time they have a fancy new system (it may not be that new but I have just found it), that allows me to post an interactive playlist to this post so it’s not just a screen shot with some crappy link that probably never worked. However, technical issues already, there are 31 tracks on my playlist but only 29 show up on my blog. Anyway, I hope you find something new that you like and may not have heard before. Again it is a mix of old and new because I am now a dinosaur and don’t often keep up with the charts, so if I have heard it and liked it may be in there somewhere.

As it is Friday I thought I would treat you all to a GUY FRIDAY post too! Aren’t you just feeling so lucky right now?! Ha.

I thought it was about time that Leonardo DiCaprio came first in something, so here he is. Beautiful as ever. He should have won an Oscar just for being such a perfect Jay Gatsby. I don’t have much to say here, I think his face speaks for itself.

Polo Kerber. I have no idea what this man does or who he is…I found him on Tumblr. I think he is probably a model and if he isn’t, with a face like that he should be! Click on the photo to check out his tumblr page. He has a fan page so he must be known for something right?!

Jesse Burgess, I know for a fact is a model. I think he is also a DJ and works for Jamie Laing’s Candy Kittens. Posh and pretty. As this ‘guy friday’ post goes on the more you will realise I have a penchant for guys with strong jaws and all of the cheek bones! I first saw Jesse on ‘Dirty Sexy Things’ on E4. It was some modelling competition show with lots of beautiful people posing in various uncomfortable positions in various uncomfortable landscapes…one of those.

I first saw Max Fowler in the BBC series ‘Mayday’ where he was potentially a murderer. I do not find him traditionally attractive, but his face interests me. That sounds weird doesn’t it? Yeah. Anyway, he is in series 3 of the US version of The Killing and it reminded me that I like his face. So here he is. If you haven’t seen Mayday, you should try and find it online, I really enjoyed it.

Diego Barrueco is a Spanish model living in London. He is another Tumblr find. Tattoos, piercing, jaw line and cheek bones you could cut yourself on…check! According to his blog he is 23, straight and single. So ladies of London – find this man! Again, click on the photo to be taken to his page.

Able Tesfaye is better known as The Weeknd and I am completely and utterly obsessed with his voice. It is so soulful and like listening to silk. If you haven’t already checked out his Trilogy album – do it now! The Canadian is a singer, song writer and producer at the age of 24. So talented. I love him.

Matthew Gray Gubler is my new crush due to my new Criminal Minds obsession. Once again, thank you Netflix! Model for Burberry and you can see why with that face and his similar look to Douglas Booth and lots of the fashion house’s other models. He plays Dr Spencer Reid, the occasional comedic relief and boy genius on Criminal Minds. 18 episodes down…74 to go.

Shai Spooner is a stylist and fashion designer. The N-Dubz boys and Wiz Khalifa have all benefited greatly with Shai behind their wardrobe. Starting off with just designing snap backs, Spooner now has a fully formed fashion range for both men and women. Not only is he talented and creative, he is super hot too! Multitasking…

Francisco Lachowski  is a Brazillian model that I often gaze longingly at when scrolling through my Tumblr feed. International model, father to a gorgeous baby and a cross between Joseph Gordon Levitt and Ed Westwick, this man ticks every box for me! Look at that face!!!

Josh Franceschi has one of my favourite voices ever! He could sing the phone book and I would be first in line to buy the song. Soulful, gravelly, wonderfully perfect. His voice breaks my heart over and over. The lead singer of You Me At Six is a nice guy/clothing label owner and all around beauty. Less than a month until I get to see them play again in London! I am so excited!

And, as if today couldn’t get better – here is the interactive link to my first Spotify playlist.

(I do not own these photos or music)

Twenty five years from now, will you come to my cremation? Sherry or beer, family and friends, Will you be there? Will you be there?

I don’t often use Spotify but so many people do, so I thought I would make a playlist of songs that I love. I have made a collection of 30 tracks, all fairly varied from one another. I will try and link it back to my profile, but I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to Spotify. We shall see if I manage to master it enough to do so.

I don’t think many of them are particularly new songs…some of them are from the 50s. There should be enough of a variation for you to find at least one song you like. I hope. If you click on the photo above it should link you to my playlist if I have managed to do it right. If not, let me know and I will try and figure it out.
And as I haven’t done a GUY FRIDAY in ages, here are 3 boys to cheer up this grey Friday.

Guillermo Diaz
Dylan O’Brien
Jake Johnson

(I do not own these images).