I wanna listen to the trees, maybe stare up at the clouds. Yes, I want to get lost, let’s get lost

Another month down, we are now in August. June’s photos went up a little late, so this feels like July was even shorter than it was. One more summer month filled with great company and magnificent skies.
I have spent the last couple of days planning and writing the next months blog posts, so don’t worry – it isn’t becoming just my monthly photos. However, I hope you enjoy seeing a small collection of snapshots for July.

July, week one.
I am sure by now that you know I love a good sunset/sky photo. There’s something I have always been drawn to and felt the need to capture in the sky. This one was taken from my boyfriend’s garden, and the light is just spectacular. A fairly self explanatory selfie, always in my favourite necklace from Sugar and Vice. Christopher couldn’t decide what to do one day and as we were driving we came across a place to see Meerkats and a whole host of other cute animals that you could stroke. I wanted to put one of each in my bag to bring home though…

July, week two.
The second week of July brought showerwashywashy time into Dolly’s life. After ten years she finally accepts that this is going to happen from time to time and she goes along with it now, albeit unhappily. The process takes Floss and I to both keep her in the shower (much harder with a wet room), actually wash her and then quickly run after her downstairs to let her in the garden to rub herself on everything. May or June saw us go to the pier and we chose a bubble gun (for the dog) with all of the tickets we had accumulated. I think my sister and Sam enjoyed playing with it far more than Dolly did though. My dad came home with these curiously named burgers one day for dinner, we are still none the wiser as to why they are labelled this way though.

July, week three.
A selfie taken whilst sat under a tree with the dog, trying to keep up both cool whilst we waited for family to return from fruit picking in sweltering heat in the Kent countryside. A beautiful sunshine yellow Sunflower to place next to a photo of my mum. And the most delicious banana, strawberry and cherry sorbet/smoothie hybrid I’ve ever made. A photo of the haul my sister and Sam managed to pick when we went down to Kent, slowly working our way through the punnet of fruits.

July, week four.
It had been a very long time since I had seen the Surrogate Mothers Club, so it was arranged that we meet one evening for drinks and a catch up. There may have been some super sneaky shots consumed whilst waiting for our other drinks to be ready each time too. A really lovely evening sat outside chatting and enjoying a gin or five. The week following that weekend left me feeling really anxious, an underlying feeling of dread kept washing over me and I couldn’t shake it; as much as I felt I was going mad. So I slapped some makeup on (hence the selfie) and took myself off to see Christopher for twentyfour hours. Although I couldn’t fully shake the panic that evening, I was feeling much better on the Sunday. I could breathe a little better and I think it was just what I needed, a change of scene and pace. Another glorious sky photo, it was so blue and perfect just before I had to come home (which wasn’t as straight forward as it should be, two trains and a car ride home, thanks to Southern Rail, the most useless train providers ever).

You’re everything that I hoped for, that’s why I gave you my all

I came to write about something exciting, but first I am going to vent about the crappy day I am currently having (the exciting bit does come, I promise).
Today began with wiggly anxious feet, which is never the way a lady wishes to arise from her slumber. With too much unsolicited adrenaline my extremities tingle and I need to release this, so feet wiggling like I’m in Footloose is my usual go-to. Checking the time on my phone I realise I still have an hour before my alarm insists I get up. So I attempt to go back to sleep but I am met with the anxious thoughts that accompany my eighties dance movie choreography. Great. Then I receive a text from my sister to inform me that Dolly (the dog) has been sick a lot in the garden. Yippee. By this point it’s clear that I am not going back to sleep. I drag myself out of bed, eyes still mostly asleep whilst I get dressed to walk the dog and face the day. As I head downstairs I am met with an odor of vomit and two huge piles of sick. One of them is a revolting tangle of green slimy grass. Oh joy. As I go towards the back of the house to let the dog in to the garden, what do I see? Oh yes, that would be another 3 piles (this time its the raw chicken from last nights dinner), slick and putrid. Excellent. Then there is more in the garden and more in the living room I discover. Poor dog, clearly shes unwell but also, gross. It’s not even half nine in the morning yet. After spending a fair while doing my best Cinderella before she meets the prince impression, I walk the dog; who spends most of her time eating more grass…
My shopping is due to be delivered between ten and twelve today, so I await its arrival and get on with a multitude of boring house chores. However, the shopping still hasn’t arrived half an hour after the time-slot has ended. Weird. After logging into my account it would appear that I didn’t finish the transaction yesterday so our shopping won’t be coming today. And I haven’t even mentioned my strange enchanted hand that keeps going a little numb every now and then. I get to climb into a dark hole and never come out again now, right?!
Okay, I get that worse things happen at sea and certainly worse things have happened in my life, but today’s morning has felt relentlessly bleak. Roll on tomorrow evening and being with the boy I am incredibly fond of in a place that helps me breathe a little easier (when I’m not feeling anxious anyway *monkey covering eyes emoji*).

Now, onto much better news. On Tuesday the seventeenth of May, this blog hit twenty thousand overall views! I am so excited about this. I never thought I would actually keep up blogging, and I certainly never thought many if any people would want to read it. But I did and you did and now I’ve hit a huge milestone for someone who has just written a whole passage about dog vomit.
Thank you to everyone who reads my blog regularly or if you are entirely new and you’re helping me on my way to thirty thousand. I appreciate every view, every comment and every share I receive. You are all lovely people and I am so pleased that anyone would want to read my work.
I thought that I would link you my Facebook page, so should you wish to keep up to date and notified when a new post is published you can do so. Or, if you are a fellow WordPress user, feel free to hit ‘Follow’.
Here are some of my favourite pieces I have published on here, in case you missed them:

• Hold your head high, heavy heart (- Dear teenagers, it gets better or at least different).
• I have the dance moves of a mustache and the singing voice that sounds like a beard on the inside of my cheeks (- for all that love those with a beard and those that have careless whiskers to tame).
• And I am finally seeing that I was the one worth leaving (- Inspired by Frank Turner and moving on from something that never quite fit).
• You hid there last time, you know we’re gonna find you (-My tale of always being the fat girl and how some builders harassed me).
• But I am a ghost, just haunting myself (- An exercise in dissipating writers block, melancholic whimsy at its best).
• I’m ready to hope, swing me out of the low; wide awake in the glow, can’t do it alone (- Sadness and hope combined in melancholia. My canary sings no more).
• And I kissed him back like and arsonist with a pocket full of matches (-romanticised romance).

Once again, thank you.

Lonely teardrops, my pillows never dry

I lost my mum on the 25th of February 2015. I can legitimately say that it was the worst day of my entire life. To know that I would never get to see or speak to this fabulous and loving woman again shattered me. There are some people in life that radiate a certain energy, and if you don’t get to see that first hand, your life is a little less full. My mum was one of those people. Over this past year I have been grieving and trying desperately to navigate this world without her. I have tried to stand tall for those that have needed my support. I have learned that you are never too old to need your mum.
This is where my mind set was in the April of last year. Not a whole lot has changed, but I can see the chinks of light cutting through the rubble. It is a little easier to breathe now.
I wish I knew how to write all of the words to make you understand what a truly wonderful woman she was; but I am not sure I could ever do her justice.

Dear Mum,
               I miss you more than I thought it was possible to miss someone. Not being able to climb onto your bed and chat about the days events and not having someone to sing along to loud music in the car with are harder than I imagined.
When you left this mortal plane my world, and so many others, became much duller and less informed. I try not to have ‘mum envy’ and remember that you were the best mother I could have ever hoped to have, even if it was for too short a time, but sometimes it’s really hard. Often I just want my mum. I would really like for you to come home now.
I still have dreams where I have to save you but I never can, I’m sorry. However, you’ll be pleased to know that in my dreams you are younger and sporting a full mane of hair.
Although I miss Grandma too – I never understood until this past year just how hard it is to lose a parent that you share such a bond with. And I’m sorry you ever had to go through this. I never knew grief was so completely exhausting and how it clings to you even in the happiest moments. Happy moments were hard to find for a while, searching in the fog for these elusive feelings only to keep coming up empty handed. I have begun to recognise this elaborate maze though and I have even captured the happiness; it would just be a little more sunshine yellow if you were here to witness them though. Relationships have been bonded and some lost over the past year, but those that have bloomed only have you to thank for that. You made me and the people around you better people. Everyone loved you mum. You were blue skies and calm seas.
I wonder if you got to meet your five people or if you’re in that other town with everyone else that can’t come back. Did you send that Sparrow?
It will be an entire year tomorrow that I haven’t seen you for and I don’t quite know how we are all still standing. How the wind hasn’t yet blown us all over, like one of those fake frontiers in the Wild West. You were the strongest and the bravest person I have ever known and I will forever strive to be half as amazing as you.
I hope escaping the labyrinth lead to your Great Perhaps. I will love you forever. X

I love her, and that is the beginning and end of everything.

I don’t wanna talk about it, I just wanna hold your hand

I have been gone for over a month and that is because on the twenty fifth of February my world stopped spinning. Almost four years after her diagnosis, my mum passed away. Although we all knew that it was coming at some point, I don’t think any of us were prepared for it to be this quick. She died peacefully in a hospice on the Wednesday morning with my dad by her side and my sister and I making it just in time for her final breath. I have been staring at the sun for the past year but I was still not prepared for it to hurt so much; for this chasm inside of me to be so damn wide. That day was the very worst day of my life and clibing out from under the rubble is an ongoing and painstaking process.
It’s like being permanently homesick and expecting to go home soon, but you never do. You don’t want to be here, but you cannot leave; being held captive by my own grief. I spent the last year looking after my mother, getting all her tablets ready or speaking to various medical staff about how we could tweek things or how things weren’t working. Calling the paramedics when she had a nasty seizure and never leaving her alone for longer than I needed to. I don’t tell you this to make you feel sorry for me, I am just trying to explain just how encompassing this all was and how this hole got to be so large.
Every day I find myself thinking “I must tell mum that later”, before remembering that it isn’t possible. That the person I told absolutely everything to, the one that kept my secrets and insecurities isn’t here anymore. I am reminded about things that we never got to do, like finish all eight seasons of House. This seems trivial, but it is something we enjoyed doing, together.
My waking thoughts are filled with her and my dreams are dominated by trying to bring her back to life, back to our family and how I can save her. I am exhausted.
It may look like I am holding it all together on the outside because the last three or so years have taught me how to wear this mask of composure expertly. No one gets to see the churning inner turmoil and the dark rain cloud that constantly follows over me. A continuous shadow. In the quiet and confronting moments when my carapace falls and the flood gates open.
The funeral was a lovely service, maybe a weird sentence to read but it was a real celebration of her life. The amount of people that came to send her off was wonderful. The crocheted flowers that had been sent from across the world strung together and draped across the casket brought a brilliant pop of colour and brightened the place up, a lot like my mother always did. This is something I wrote for the service.

I love her, and that is the beginning and end of everything.
My mother was the best person I have ever known. Endlessly strong and full of heart, an inspiration and warm. Forever a little kinder than she needed to be, choosing to see the best in everyone. Always at the ready to give advice…and yes, she was always right. As John Green once wrote “There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed.” My mum was like the lights on a Christmas tree, beautiful, shining and bright. A sight that would bring hope, family and joy to gather around her and make you feel a little fuzzy inside. And now one of the bulbs has gone and she leaves the rest of us a little duller. But we keep burning because there is a little something of her in all of us. Her unparalleled strength and positivity is something I will forever be striving for and inspired by in my own life. Nurturing, colourful and blue skies. There isn’t anything I won’t miss about her – the way she encouraged me to always be myself or the way that she loved the dog more than any of us. I will miss her everyday and it will never measure up to the gratitude I feel that she was my mother.
Ultimately my mum showed me on a daily basis how to do small things with great love, and I can only hope that she now goes to seek a great perhaps.

I am trying to treat my grief as a guest – “You acknowledge it, you cater to it, then you send it on its way.” But it is an ongoing battle and some days are terrible, some are bad and some just are. Sometimes I feel like I am holding my breath whilst I drown. I have lost two of the most important women in my life and they were each taken far too early, my mum was only 47. So please ladies, check your breasts and see a doctor if something doesn’t feel right.
There is nothing I wouldn’t do to bring my mum back, to be able to talk to her for just a little while longer. Make the most of your loved ones. Because even if you know it is coming to an end, you will never be prepared.

Forever.

Offer me that deathless death, good God, let me give you my life

I have finally sent my laptop to be looked at whilst I wait with bated breath as to its fate. I really miss blogging, but it just doesn’t feel quite as inspiring when I’m tiptiptapping on my iPhone.
So, whilst I await it’s second coming (I’m hoping it only takes 3 days…), I just wanted to fill you in and write something. I have a few posts planned for when it’s finally home, so here’s hoping.

And it’s true what your going through, try so hard not to listen to everything I never say

I love books. I love the feel and the smell and the weight of hundreds of words that form other worlds. The relatable realness of a piece of fiction, the way that you can fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist in the physical sense, but is all too real in your imagination. This obsession with escapism has led me to crowd my bookshelves with book after book filled with my favourite characters and the worlds they inhabit.
These, are my bookshelves: (click the photos to enlarge)

I have vaguely separated my books into categories…black/fantasy/thriller/magic-realism on the bottom. Jodi Picoult and other contemporary fiction sandwiched in the middle and ‘others’ on the top tier. And then there are teacups, photo frames and glass light houses…
Let’s begin at the bottom.

I have the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer…I know most people’s opinions on this series but personally when I read them aged 16, I was absolutely captivated. The writing had me gripped and holding my breath, they deserve a place on the bookshelf. Then there is the Ever Bloom series of which I enjoyed the first couple about psychics and immortals, a trashy teen fantasy that all got even more ridiculous as the series went on; the book buying demons made me carry on reading though. Then we come to the Dark Heart series by Lee Monroe, these focus upon a human girl who falls in love with a werewolf boy who guards the Nephilim, throw in some sibling rivalry, fallen angels and other setbacks and you have my inner fluffy fantasy enthusiast hooked. Amanda Hocking is up next with her series about the Trylle (troll) people. Wendy doesn’t know she is a troll living amongst humans, especially not how important she is to the Trylle or the Vittra, until she is seemingly kidnapped by the dark and mysterious Finn. I can’t lie, I really enjoyed this series, it was something a little different to the usual vampires and angels. Kissed by an Angel by Elizabeth Chandler, I enjoyed this at the time but I don’t think I’ll ever re-read it. My room is a little like the Hotel California…once a book is read, it very rarely leaves.

This little stack is also books that I enjoyed but currently don’t have the desire to re-read any time soon. The beautiful dead series is by Eden Maguire and whilst I liked the first one, I feel that the target audience was younger than I, so didn’t bother to continue. The Dark Divine I actually really enjoyed but I thought it was a standalone book; although apparently there are three more. Torment and Fallen were okay and they grabbed my attention to read these two, but I am just not sure I want to continue anytime soon with the other three books. Hush Hush I remember really liking but I couldn’t get the second book for ages so I moved on. I did pick the sequel up eventually though, yet I just haven’t gotten around to reading it yet.

This side is my favourite on the bottom shelf – firstly there are the 5 Cassandra Clare Immortal Instruments books, I am currently reading the sixth and final one in the series. I love these stories, there is action sprinkled with humour and mixed with romance, invisible worlds within ours and good writing. Then there is one of my very favourite series and one I am so sad were only three small books – Dan Wells’ I am Not A Serial Killer. John Wayne Cleaver is cherished as one of my best-loved protagonists ever. A teenage boy who’s family business is a mortuary, which doesn’t aid his attempts at not killing people, has to face other dangers other than himself when a dead body is found in his town. You must read these books! I have four Linwood Barclay crime thriller novels, all stand alones before we get to another favourite series of mine – James Patterson’s Maximum Ride books. I think it took me 6 years to read these eight books and I loved the stories Patterson so effortlessly weaves. Unfortunately, as with many series the books at the beginning were much better than the last two. Still, I would recommend them to anyone as I thoroughly enjoyed them. On top we have: a hip flask, five easy steps to becoming a witch, The Breakfast Club and Say Anything on dvd, how to make a cake rise and the vintage tea party year by Angel Adoree. Divergent and Insurgent by Veronica Roth (I have yet to read Allegiant), the vintage sweets book, my mermaid note book and a little course in baking.

I have read a lot of Jodi Picoult over the years. I like the moral and legal dilemmas she throws into everyday situations. I have read: the tenth circle (with comic book illustrations and hidden clues in the photos), my sister’s keeper, the pact, plain truth, salem falls, keeping faith (with a little stigmata thrown in), perfect match, vanishing acts, handle with care, nineteen minutes (one of my favourites about a high school shooting), change of heart, picture perfect, second glance, songs of a humpback whale (written in a different format, but really enjoyable), house rules and harvesting the heart. On top are my darling teacups and saucers.

These really are some of my most loved books. The secret lives of dresses is such a lovely tale about the stories and lives of the vintage dresses being sold in a lovely little vintage shop. Looking for Alaska by John Green is in my top ten favourite books. It is so well written and you yearn for the characters long after you finish the book.After that I have another four books by John Green – Paper Towns, An Abundance of Katherines, The Fault In Our Stars and Will Grayson Will Grayson. John is one of the best authors I have ever had the pleasure of reading and I will buy anything he publishes. I feel much the same way about Sarah Addison Allen and her beautifully enchanting stories all laced with the perfect amount of magic to persuade you that it really could be real…or at least wish that it was. The Sugar Queen, Garden Spells, The Girl Who Chased The Moon and The Peach Keeper are just perfect. A Million Little Pieces and My Friend Leonard by James Frey are mostly fact with a little fiction thrown in to keep the story ticking along. Both of them have stayed with me years after reading them (and re-reading them) as the story is so heart breaking and utterly consuming – I think everyone should read them. Meet Me At The Cupcake Cafe is delightfully fluffy chick lit that does what it says on the tin and even throws in some mouth watering recipes for good measure. I absolutely adored the story told in A Vintage Affair, beautiful dresses and interesting customers interlaced with a tale of loss, friendship and a little French village in the War. The Silver Linings Playlist was a lovely and enjoyable read with lots of humour punching through the heart aching story of mental illness. Then there is the WAH nails book of nail art and The Goddess Experience one and two by Giselle Scanlon, both definitely worth a read if not only for the delightful photographs. On top I have another stack, including Ravens, Wreck This Journal, Severed Heads – Broken Hearts (which I highly recommend if you are a John Green fan), The Great Gatsby (another for my top ten) and a notebook.

A small tower of my favourite chick lit author, Jane Green. If I want a little bit of fluffy reading with a little more substance than others I will always turn to Jane. Bookends is definitely in my top ten books, but I also really love the others too – Babyville, The Beach Hut, Straight Talking and Life Swap. A little book from my mother, How To Be Adored and a gorgeous book from my friend Erika Lady Cottington’s Pressed Fairy Book, worth it even just for the amazing illustrations. The Book of Lost Things was a strange tale and the Crooked Man haunted my thoughts for a while. The Bitch Goddess Notebook (I have written more about this and some of the others in a past post). Guitar Girl is a book I must have read about ten times now, easy teenage reading about a band of misfits who make it big, but fame only brings more issues. The Opposite of chocolate I have also re-read over and over a lovely coming of age story with a little arson for good measure. When God Was A Rabbit is a book I would reccommend to everyone as the story is so consuming and real. There are real emotions and issues being swept under the carpet. And lastly The Valley Of The Dolls, I think I was a little too young to really enjoy this story of fame, drugs and making a life for ones self when I read it at fifteen. Although I liked it at times I felt as if I was just reading it to finish it.

On the very top shelf is where I keep the books I don’t know what category to place them in or can’t fit them onto another shelf… Without listing them all some of my most favoured on this top tier are: Noughts and Crosses by Mallory Blackman probably another for the top ten that I think everyone should read. Isabel Allende’s City of Beasts is an enchanting read depictiong an adventuring, vodka swilling grandmother taking her grandson on the trip of his life and a tribe that has never encountered western civilisation before. James Patterson’s You’ve Been Warned “Kristin searches desperately for what’s real through the lens of her camera, only knowing two things for sure: that no place is safe and the fate of everyone she loves lies in her hands” A ‘does what it says on the tin’ thriller. I never finished The End Of Mr Y, it all went entirely over my head really and I had no Idea what was going on, reading it was an effort…but I may give it another try one day.

Some Enid Blyton (my favourite childhood author), Snuggle Piggy and the Magic Blanket – such an amazing children’s book with gorgeous pictures. An amazing gift from my friend Samantha of the Cath Kidston craft books including some material and a pattern to make a bag. The Vintage Tea Party Book by Angel Adoree – amazing recipes and party ideas for all occasions with styling and makeup ideas too.

And we are in the home stretch! (if we forget about the boxes filled with books that I have, maybe more on those another time). This is my TBR (to be read) pile that live next to my bed before earning their stripes and being placed upon the shelves with their friends. Hugh Howey’s Wool which I have no idea what it is about but my mum said it was good. Meg Rosoff’s How I Live Now, I have only a vague idea about the plot in this book but it is supposed to be very good, so it stays in the pile. Jodi Picoult and Samantha Van Leer’s Between The Lines is a modern re-working of a fairy tale that actually live in the book, until the main character wants to escape the pages. The Loveliest Chocolate Shop In Paris, Better Than Yesterday by Robyn Schneider, Tequila Mockingbird a book filled with literary inspired cocktails. Adverbs by Daniel Handler – the author of the Lemony Snicket series, Donald Miller’s – A Million Miles in a Thousand Years of which I wrote a little about here and my current read, City of Heavenly Fire; the sixth and final book in Cassandra Clare’s Immortal Instrument’s series.
Phew. I know that was a long post, but I really like books and hopefully there are a few that you may not have read that you must do so now!

My Goodreads Profile

machine men with machine minds and machine hearts!

Stuff I like on the internet. For this mid-week post that is what you shall be receiving. I am far too easily distracted today to write fully in-depth cohesive thoughts and have them be vaguely interesting for an entire post. I have turned the tv to mute, then off, tried music, tried classical music and I am still not really concentrating on the task in hand – this blog post. But I wanted to post something today. First off, I am once again expressing my love for John and Hank Green. They can really do no wrong in my book. They have several YouTube channels in which they are witty and intelligent – One of my new favourites being Crash Course. There are lots of short vibrant videos on: psychology, chemistry, US history, literature, ecology, biology and world history.
Also, Hank Green developed an Emmy Award winning series called The Lizzie Bennet Diaries “The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is a modernized adaptation of the classic Jane Austen novel, Pride and Prejudice. The story is told primarily through Lizzie Bennet‘s Video Diaries, while being supported by her and other characters social media streams.” Its brilliant, awesome and very funny. Go go go!
Polo Nutini is back with new songs and a tour soon! This makes me extremely happy. His voice is so beautiful and is definitely in my top 5 favourites. He consistently gives me goosebumps and everything he does is perfect for the warming weather. His song Iron Sky is nothing short of entirely wonderful.

This Patrick Stump Quote
Pretentious quotes to live your life by. The internet if full of teenage angst ridden photos of mountains with deep quotes written over the top, taken from books or songs. For the most part I try to avoid such things – text that has been taken out of context and placed upon an image of no consequence irks me. However, when I see them printed in a bold font on a white background…well, it makes me want to buy them sometimes. Do these declarations on how you wish your life to be lived actually make an impact? One of my favourites is monochrome and boldly says “oh darling, let’s be adventurers” – does this mean that one morning I will grab my fedora and whip on my way out of the door to the temple of doom? I doubt it. However it does occur to me that if I were to follow the ‘inspirational meaning’ behind the prints I want on my walls, well, it could all end rather badly for me.
Tattooed fairy tales by Glenn Arthur
Pizza Hut Vs. Papa Roach 
This movie quote from Jawbreaker
This dogs face
I started off strong and ended with a photo of a smiling dog. Yeah its one of those days. I promise the next post will be far more interesting than this one. Please go and check out John and Hank Greens links at the top of this blog post, they really are worth it. If nothing else, I hope this post has put a smile upon your face or caused you to expel too much air through your nostrils (internet laughing). I shall return later this week with something more worthwhile…or perhaps some men with cheekbones and beards. Much spending has been done from my account too (it is not particularly happy about this), so when everything arrives I may do a ‘haul’ post if that is something people want to see? It is mostly a load of random stuff. I have lots of other ideas too, I just need to stop being so bloody good at procrastinating!
Thanks for reading this ever so rambling disjointed post.

(I do not own these images/songs)

When I look at my room, I see a girl who loves books

I, like my mother, have an obsession with books. Once I have read something, I find it extremely hard to part with it. Therefore, this results in me having floor to ceiling bookshelves that are full and piles of books beside my bed. They are my friends. There is something lovely about holding the pages of a book and completely immersing yourself in a story that is not your own. As a child my mother would read me a story before bed every night and if I was staying at my grandma’s (another staunch book collector), she would read to me as well. I can’t remember a time where I have not sought out at least a couple of pages before I am accosted by the sandman and sprinkled with the magic dust of sleep. Even if I have been out on the town and had my fair share of gin, I will always give reading a go. It is not just at night that I seek this comforting past time – on the bus, on the train…I love to read.
I thought I would share a small list of books that I have thoroughly enjoyed and have earned a place in my heart (/bookshelf).
1. The Sugar Queen by Sarah Addison Allen
Josey Cirrini was the first character I had encountered by this amazingly talented author. ‘Josey, is sure of 3 things – winter in her North Carolina hometown is her favorite season, she’s a sorry excuse for a Southern belle, and sweets are best eaten in the privacy of her hidden closet’. Then there is ‘Chloe Finley, a young woman who makes the best sandwiches in town, is hounded by books that inexplicably appear whenever she needs them’. Who doesn’t want books to appear when we need them?! Okay, so the book is a little fluffy and laced with the tiniest amount of magic…so subtle you may think it possible. It is beautifully imagined and easy to read. I was never a major fan of ‘chic lit’ before I read Allen’s work, but since the first page she has had me hooked.
2. I Am Not A Serial Killer by Dan Wells
‘John Wayne Cleaver is dangerous, and he knows it. He’s spent his life doing his best not to live up to his potential.’ This is the first book in a wonderful trilogy. Although marketed as a young adult book with a teenage protagonist, it is well written and adult enough to cross over and be an enthralling and appealing read to those with a few more years handed to us by father time. I just wish there had been more in this series.
3. Songs of the Humpback Whale by Jodi Picoult
‘In anger and fear, Jane leaves with their teenage daughter, Rebecca, for a cross-country odyssey charted by letters from her brother Joley, guiding them to his Massachusetts apple farm, where surprising self-discoveries await.’ I have read 18 of Picoult’s books, I find her moral and legal dilemmas captivating to read. From the title of the book I didn’t expect to love this as much as some of her others, but boy was I wrong. It is beautifully written, if not a little unusual. The story is told by five different voices and Rebecca’s story told backwards. It sounds complicated, but you quickly get the hang of it and realise this is part of the beauty of the book. It is peaceful and summery and filled with people as lost and deaf to their own hearts as you and I.
4. Bookends by Jane Green
Easily one of my favourite books I have read and I can’t really explain why. This was my first foray into the world of Chic Lit and it didn’t disappoint in that category. However, it had a little more depth than I was expecting from something I thought was going to be mostly froth. This book was also the impetus for my long term longing to have my own bookshop. For around 8 years now I have dreamed of opening my own little second hand book store – with a select few from the top sellers chart. And then, just in the back, would be the most divine little artisan tea and cake shop. It is all planned out and ready to go  – in my head (when some fantastically rich and handsome benefactor wants to sponsor such an idea). But, back to the book, it is full of friendship, love, heartbreak and loss. Wonderful for those who don’t like pure fluff.
5. The Bitch Goddess Notebook by Martha O’Connor
‘Set in a small-town high school in Illinois in 1988, three misfit girls join forces with devastating consequences’. I picked this book up purely because I needed something to read and the book shop was really limited on anything that was grabbing my attention. It took a little while for me to get into this but when I did I thoroughly enjoyed it. ‘They swear to stick together, whatever life throws at them, until one night at Porter’s Point when something so horrific happens it shatters their friendship forever’. It’s about overcoming their past and fixing their futures with some sex and bloodshed thrown in for good measure.
6. A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
A semi-autobiographical book about the struggle Frey had with his drug addiction. ‘At the age of 23, James Frey woke up on a plane to find his front teeth knocked out and his nose broken. He had no idea where the plane was headed nor any recollection of the past two weeks. An alcoholic for ten years and a crack addict for three, he checked into a treatment facility shortly after landing’. This first book of 2 are the accounts of the author’s six weeks that he spent in rehab and the fight he had with life to be able to make it to 24 and be a different person. Not written in the traditional way books are (with paragraphs and full punctuation and such), it is truly one of the best books I have ever read. It made me laugh and cry and never want to put it down. If you are looking for something to read right now, I would highly recommend this. The people he meets in rehab and the obstacles he over comes are something magnificent. Everyone I know that has read this book has fallen completely in love with it. Plus, the cover is ever so pretty.
7. Looking for Alaska by John Green
I could write wonderful things about John Green all day long. Not only is he a wonderful author he is a super smart super funny Nerd Fighter. Accompanied with his brother Hank, they have several YouTube channels that are educational, inspiring and so very funny. Anyway, back to the wonderfully written book. This is the first book that I had read by John Green and I was prompted to do so by Tumblr. There are always quote floating around the Tumblrsphere and one caught my eye – “So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.” Once I had found which book this was from I ordered it immediately. Three days later my copy arrived and I couldn’t put it down.
Miles Halter is in search of ‘The Great Perhaps’ when he starts at a new school. Chip “the Colonel” Martin soon takes Miles (Pudge) under his wing and introduces him to the beautiful catastrophe that is Alaska Young. As the events of the story unravel and a twist I hoped would not come, we all learn the lesson that is “The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” Truly one of my very favourite books written by one of my favourite authors. I have now read everything John Green has written, including the stratospheric The Fault In Our Stars (I am very excited for the film). Again, a YA book that transcends age and just tells a beautifully heart achingly wonderful book.
8. A Vintage Affair by Isabel Wolff
Phoebe has always wanted to own her own vintage clothing shop ‘Her dream has come true, but a secret from her past is casting a shadow over her new venture. Then one day she meets Therese, an elderly Frenchwoman with a collection to sell, apart from one piece that she won’t part with!’ Therese’s story is terribly sad but helps her to put the past at rest as well as aiding Phoebe to overcome a secret that has cast a shadow over her life for a long time. Love, loss and vintage clothes, especially the cupcake dresses make this book a quiet, quaint and all around lovely story.
9. The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick
When I picked this book up in the shop I thought it was another book that I wanted to read. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed this story. Obviously I wasn’t the only one who fell in love with this book as they soon made a blockbuster movie out of it starring Dominic Cooper and Jenifer Lawrence (although I am yet to watch this). ‘Pat has a theory: his life is a movie produced by God. And his God-given mission is to become physically fit and emotionally literate, whereupon God will ensure a happy ending for him — the return of his estranged wife Nikki’. Pat has just come home after a stint in a mental health facility and everything feels a little odd. No one will talk to him about Nikki and there is a strange and intense woman named Tiffani who is pursuing him. All of that teamed with his oh so beloved Philadelphia Eagles, continuously losing, is something that Pat is trying to contend with. The story is heart-warming and you instantly feel a connection with these (varying degrees of) odd characters. ‘Matthew Quick takes us inside Pat’s mind, showing us the world from his distorted yet endearing perspective’.
10. Ravens by George Dawes Green
‘The Boatwrights just won 318 million dollars in the GeorgiaState lottery. It’s going to be the worst day of their lives.’ Shaw McBride and Romeo Zderko are on a road trip to escape the monotony of their everyday life. But when Shaw overhears that the Boatwrights have won the lottery ‘he hatches a ferociously audacious scheme: He and Romeo will squeeze the family for half their prize’.  In a book, there is usually someone that you like. That can’t really be said about this book. All the characters are deeply flawed and there is just no one to like in this one. ‘For each character, the unrelenting tension and danger of their trapped lives forces them to confront their own unnatural fears and yearnings’. This psychological thriller has sprinklings of dark humour and an ending that I wasn’t expecting. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, it was filled with suspense and the reminder that we are all looking for a way to escape our lives…although admittedly, most of us don’t go around coercing our best friend to be an “angel of death” or taking whole families hostage in the hope of some adoration and money. However, it is well worth a read.
I am currently reading Insurgent by Veronica Roth after reading the first in the series, Divergent. Once I have finished the series I am hoping to read Lost Lake by Sarah Addison Allen and Mr Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan. If you have any recommendations for me, please leave them in the comments.

Love’s not the point. We just do what we always do, and we get by

I was going to waffle on about men with beards again because it appears that that is the most popular thing I have written about so far. But its late and right at this moment I don’t have much to say on the matter that I haven’t already said. So, another time on that topic.
Right now I am going to share with you some more lists of mine. As you may have gathered, I am a notebook enthusiast with a compulsion for list making. To do lists and to pack lists, Pro lists and con lists, shopping lists and budget lists. I like to arrange my life into lists.
One day, book shopping in charity shops I came across a book called The Goddess Guide by Gisèle Scanlon . It had the prettiest cover (under the silly paper dust cover things that I hate!) and it was about shopping and fashion and Paris and I had to have it! Handing over my £2, it was all mine! Now, they always tell you not to judge a book by its cover…but I believe that is nonsense. What I am trying to say is that I mainly bought this book because of the cover. Little did I know that this witty and creative author would have me writing lists for all sorts in my moleskin.
And so, I bring you to the first: My Happy List. This list is only for the little things that make you happy.

• Blossom trees
• Stacks of books
• Ribbon
• Flamingos
• Glow sticks (I am wearing some right now and I confirm that they still make me happy!)
• Dream catchers
• Bow ties
• Beautiful tea cups
• Neat handwriting
• Cocktail Umbrellas
• Macarons
• The taste of rose

I could go on, but I have written 4 pages so far and I don’t want to bore you to death. It is a process that you can keep adding to though and when you need a little lift in spirits all you need to do it read a couple. Writing that list made me think about all of the other things that I would like to achieve or just other favourites. Which has lead to me having a notebook full of lists and letters I would like to send to certain people and quotes.
The next lists are some favourites.
Favourite films:

• Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
• Waiting For Forever
• The Breakfast Club
• Say Anything
• Funny Face
• The Great Gatsby

Favourite books:

• Snuggle Piggy and the Magic Blanket by Michele Steptoe
• A Million Little Pieces/My Friend Leonard by James Frey
• I Am Not A Serial Killer/Mr Monster/I Don’t Want To Kill You by Dan Wells
• Looking For Alaska by John Green
• Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult
• Bookends by Jane Green
• The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare
• Maximum Ride series by James Patterson

With books I could carry on forever and ever. If anyone wants some book recommendations let me know in the comments.
The last list that I am going to share with you are quotes/lyrics.

• Goodbye Daffodil, you have gone away from me. And you just very well may be gone forever but i’ll always cherish your memory.
• If I remember, you exist.
• If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.
• I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything.
• What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person.
• Girls like us, when we love, it takes everything we have.
• She was so Southern that she cried tears that came straight from the Mississippi.
• Save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless.
• I don’t want to run, just overwhelm me.
• Make us feel young and tragic.

So there are some snippets of the stuff I like to keep in my little book of lists. And to make up for the lack of bearded men in this post, here – have some photos of Chris John Millington (’cause he’s Scottish and my favourite).

Instagram: chrisjohnmillington
Twitter: @chrisjohnmilly
If you have either – go and follow him.

(I do not own these photos)